


Sensitivity Builds A Prison in the Final Act

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: C.J. McGarry: Second Lady [18]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 08:15:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6846631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And it may not be me directly, but all roads lead to me walking on that stage on a humid July night."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sensitivity Builds A Prison in the Final Act

**Author's Note:**

> This story is the sequel to Eating Disorders and a Fear of Rectangles.

CJ walked into Leo’s office with a glass of white wine. Winston looked up from his post on the couch, saw Leo was in no danger, and went back to his nap. Leo looked up from his speech on global terrorism…Sam had done another excellent job.

“Hey baby. Did you kiss the kids?” he smiled. “Wow that sounds eerily familiar.”

“I did. Charlie told me all about daddy letting her have a sundae for dessert. We discussed this Leo; you know she bounces off the walls sometimes. What were you thinking?”

“What she doesn't know is it was frozen yogurt and low-sugar cookie crumbles. Daddy pulled a fast one.”

CJ could not help but smile as she sat on the couch. He was a good father and she was not even sure if he knew.

“What are you working on?” she asked. “Are you terribly busy?”

“No. I am just going over the speech for Berlin next week. Europe for a week…fun huh?”

“Sure, if it involved a backpack and hitting all the historical sites. Your diplomacy trip is going to be boring. Expensive hotels and meetings…snooze.”

Leo laughed.

“So, you talked to Stanley tonight.”

“Yeah. Come over here; I need to talk to you.”

Leo came and sat on the couch. He petted the dog’s head as CJ did her best to get comfortable. There was no easy way to do any of this. She might as well start with the hardest part.

“I have been lying to you.” She said.

“About what?”

“The nightmares. I have nightmares I'm being raped Leo.”

“What! Why would you…but you told me…CJ I don’t understand. Oh God, why would you dream about that.”

“The nightmare never changes, it is vivid, and it is my greatest fear.”

“Did someone try to hurt you baby? Did that boy, Altman? CJ don’t lie to me anymore…please.”

“No.” CJ shook her head. “I thought that he might but he didn’t. Leo, I hate that I am never first on your list of priorities. I hate that I am not normal and I cannot send my children to school without worrying that someone will hurt them. The end of the Bartlet Administration was nothing short of hell and you weren’t there. Then it was over and it was like waking from a bad dream and still being in it.”

Leo was quiet. He looked at his feet before reaching over and taking her hand in his.

“This is entirely my fault Claudia Jean.” He said. “I just…”

“I don’t need that right now Leo, we don’t need that.” she cut him off. “This conversation is not about blame or making anyone feel guilty or bad. If I don’t tell you how I feel, get it off my chest, I will never be better.”

“I wish you would have told me about the nightmares…I could’ve helped. I know that you never got a break and things were rough toward the end of the last Administration. Every time I tried to talk to you about the investigation, or the election, you shut down or clammed up. I took the easy way out by letting you do that.”

“It has been festering for I don’t know how long. Lately I have been trying to look back on when it was good for us. I'm coming up short.”

Coming up short? Did she believe their marriage to be a mistake? Had talking to Stanley Keyworth finally make her see that being with him could only cause her stress and pain? Would the end of this conversation have her say ‘I love you but I'm sorry.’? He would not be able to make it without her.

“CJ, if you ever left me I wouldn’t be able to function. I couldn’t live. You…” his breath caught and Leo tried to collect his thoughts. “You are my anchor in this storm. I know I can always come home to your love. I can come home to you and the kids.”

“What do I come home to Leo?” CJ asked. “An empty bed and a voicemail message. A glass of wine and a Hepburn-Tracy movie. What about me? Is the Vice-Presidency more important than our marriage?”

CJ hated to ask that question. It was loaded and she had used it in the past in anger. God, when she fell in love with him over a decade ago, this scenario never crossed her mind. In fact, if anyone had told CJ she would ever be Second Lady of the United States she would have fallen out of her chair laughing. It was inconceivable. Hell, most days it was still inconceivable.

“It has been.” Leo replied honestly. “It has been, though I never wanted it to be. I never want anything to be more important than you and our children CJ. Being Vice-President is an important and busy job but it is just a job.”

“How long do you want me, expect me, to wait for bits of your attention?” she asked.

“I really don’t know baby. I cannot fathom how hard it is for you sometimes. To be honest, I try never to let myself think how hard you may have it. I can tell you CJ that if you were not in my life it would be empty.”

“Ditto…why do you think I'm still here?”

“Love has something to do with it I would hope.” Leo whispered. “Why didn’t you tell me about the nightmares?”

“I hate to talk about it. It scares me to death Leo…it makes me sick, and vulnerable. I just wanted to pretend it wasn’t happening.”

“Swear to me that Altman didn’t hurt you CJ. Please swear to me. Why would you be dishonest about this with me?”

“He didn’t. Leo, this is hardly about him…about any of the events that have plagued us. Sure, we've had worse luck than your average couple has. Even the average DC couple. This is about sacrifice Leo. How much have I sacrificed for you? I don’t work because it may reflect badly on you. I deal with threats and pain. I get scared when you're gone, thinking you may never come back. I raise Tim and Charlie, without you most of the time. There are so many people who work hard to protect me; Toby, Nora, Donna, Charlie, Bill, Sylvie…I don’t feel like you are on that list.”

“Baby, of course I want to protect you. If something happened to you, it would kill me. I love you so much.”

CJ nodded, she knew that. Not able to take it anymore, Leo pulled her into his arms. She exhaled and her body relaxed on his. Molded to his really, as CJ curled up and rested her cheek close to her husband’s heart.

“What a miracle it is to listen to your heart beat.” She whispered, putting her hand over it.

“My apology may seem moot, or too little too late, but I am sorry that you are hurting CJ. I'm sorry that I am the cause of your pain. I never wanted it to be this way when I asked you to be my wife.”

“You're not the cause. Well…”

“Don't pretty it up for me. I pushed for this life though you were adamant about not wanting it. And it may not be me directly, but all roads lead to me walking on the stage that humid July night. We were happy once Claudia Jean, I remember. Before the Vice-Presidency, investigations, Shareef…all the things that happened during the last Presidency. We were very happy; I didn’t even know how I wasn’t wearing a constant smile on my face. That is why I proposed, I wanted that joy in my stomach forever. It is still there for me baby, tell me its there for you.”

“It’s still there. We have to move on Leo. It is time to stop dwelling on the past and look to the future.”

“How will you stop having the nightmares? When are you going to feel safe?”

CJ shrugged.

“We have to keep talking. I don’t know what else to do but when I shut you out…I really feel alone.”

“I need to put 150% back into this marriage.” Leo said more to himself than to her.

CJ sighed when she felt his fingers comb through her hair. She slid her arms further around him and held him tighter. The only sound in the room was their breathing and the terrier’s light snoring. CJ lifted her husband’s Polo shirt, sliding her hand across his chest and his bypass scar.

“I almost lost you once.” She said. “I'm not letting you go. I'm not going.”

“I'm still here baby, and I love you more than anything. You know what; let’s do something when I get back from Europe. The schedule is pretty clear for April.”

“We just got back from vacation Leo.”

“I could care less. Hey, even better, lets do nothing. Let’s take a Thursday and Friday off and lie around in our pajamas. We can argue over The Times and The Post, watch CNN Morning, make leisurely love, and laugh until our stomachs hurt. Just you and me baby. Then we can have dinner with the kids…both of us.”

CJ smiled, sitting up a bit and looking at Leo. He smiled when she stroked his cheek.

“I would really love that. Just the two of us with the kids.”

“Just the two of us.” Leo repeated, kissing her lips softly. “Promise.”

“No promises. It will just cause too much upheaval when you have to break it for whatever reason.”

“I will not break this promise Claudia Jean. I have broken enough to last a lifetime and that ends right now. From now on when I say things to you, you can believe me.”

CJ nodded, not sure it was the best idea. She took a deep breath.

“No Leo.”

“No what? What's the matter?”

“I don’t want promises, empty or fulfilled. I want you. I don’t need a promise that you will be there; you should just be there. Show me honey, don’t tell me. It hasn’t been working very well for us.”

“OK. I understand. Can I have another kiss?”

“Now that’s something you never have to ask for. That is my pleasure.”

CJ pulled him closer, teasing his lips with her tongue before sliding her mouth over his. It was strange, but a decade later kissing him still brought CJ the most intense delight. She ran her hand up his neck and caressed his hair; Leo sighed into her mouth. No matter what this aspect of their relationship never failed them. CJ didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing…if they weren’t having sex maybe they would discuss why. Leo pulled away and caressed her face.

“You're the most beautiful woman.” He said. “You're amazing baby and I don’t deserve you.”

“I definitely don’t feel that way today.” CJ replied, resting her forehead on his shoulder.

“Shush. You have no idea how amazing you are…it has been a subject of debate between us since the day we met.”

A wide smile spread across her face. Leo pulled her closer and she felt the beginnings of his erection press into her thigh.

“Why don’t you show me how amazing I am Mr. Vice-President? Show me yours and I will show you mine. I need the distraction.”

“Hey, we said it would never be a distraction again.” He said.

“The good distraction, not the bad distraction Leopold.”

“Here?” Leo asked.

“No, I want some romance. To the bedroom, Leopold…and leave your best friend behind.”

Winston got the message and was not even able to change CJ’s mind when he shot her the sad, puppy stare. It was funny; Jed Bartlet bought the dog for CJ after the midterm elections. It was not that Winston didn’t like her…he really liked everyone. He was just Leo’s shadow. It surprised the Vice-President too, though it surprised him even more how attached he got to the terrier. Leo McGarry had quickly become a dog person. He slipped his hand in his wife’s and they took the short walk down the hall to the stairs.

“Goodnight.” Leo said to Derrick and Mike, posted close by.

“Goodnight Mr. Vice-President; Mrs. McGarry.” He spoke into his earpiece. “Wolverine and Flamingo are in for the night.”

CJ smiled and waved as they went up the stairs. She would wait for another night to discuss Leo’s new Secret Service name and her remaining the dreaded Flamingo. She knew it made Ron Butterfield smirk and that took a lot of work. One more check on the kids and then into their bedroom. CJ immediately began to undress as Leo closed the door and looked at her.

“How did I get so lucky?” he asked aloud.

“Dunno. You were such an unbearable old man but I felt a bit sorry for you.”

“Yeah, I thought so. Believe me, if I get to be your man for the rest of my life I will take the sympathy love any day.”

CJ smiled, calling Leo to her with her finger.

“C’mere Mr. Vice-President. Why don’t you take a load off?”

Leo walked over and put his arms around her. In a matter of seconds her bra hit the floor. running his fingers up her naked back, Leo pulled her into a passionate kiss.

“Get naked.” She whispered into his ear when he freed her mouth.

“Am I a sexy beast?” he asked, hating to pull away even to take off his clothes.

“You really, really are. I love you.”

“I love you baby.”

After kissing for a long time the Second Couple finally made it to the bed. The lovemaking was slow, sexy, and beautiful. CJ arched her back as Leo filled her. She caressed his face as he moved inside her.

“Mmm, it still feels so good.” She moaned.

“It really does. Oh God, Claudia Jean.”

Leo lifted her thighs; moving deeper and faster.

“Oh my God!”

CJ gripped the sheets underneath her as her body tightened around Leo’s. He lurched forward, coming with a cry of her name and a long moan. She wrapped her arms around him as his body came to rest on top of hers.

“You are everything Claudia Jean.” He whispered before kissing her earlobe. “I have never forgotten for a moment and I never will.”

“Yeah. Just rest Leo.”

He pulled out, his body still close to hers, lying on his side. CJ wrapped her long arms around him.

“Do you feel better baby? I want to listen if you want to talk some more. Don't hold anything back.”

Leo yawned and CJ smiled. She kissed his face.

“You don't have the strength right now. Sleep now and we will talk again…very soon. I love you.”

“Me too. Don’t let go CJ.” He mumbled, mostly asleep.

“Never. I am here Leo.”

She wasn’t going anywhere, and it wasn’t because she didn’t want to be like Jenny. It had nothing to do with proving her brothers wrong and herself right. It was not because she was afraid of raising Tim and Charlie on her own…whatever Claudia Jean McGarry put her mind to she would excel at. It was love, plain and simple. The little butterflies in her stomach when Leo held her tight. The lingering feeling of his mouth after a kiss or a proper necking session. The arguments they had about policies, CNN pundits, and which cereals to buy at the grocery. Lying on the couch and watching movies or listening to a great CD.

She was in love with her husband and knew how lucky she was. Times were tough, things were not always good, but they would be again. The good times would come again and CJ planned to be right at her man’s side when they did. Leo murmured in his sleep, sliding his body even closer. CJ kissed his forehead and said her silent prayers before putting the cap on another day.

***


End file.
